About a year and a half of unchecked growth resulted in this stunning display of awesomeness. Yes, the belly was big, but the hair had been growing too. At night, while I slept, I'm pretty sure that my wife would hold me upside-down and mop the kitchen floor with my 'do. How else could I get it to style so well?

Now we're getting there. The length is coming in. The fly-aways are laying down. Yep, I'm lookin' good! Eh, ladies? (Why did I still wear a coat to the ring?, my sweaty back asks)

That's some hair! It's dangerous to stand next to me on a  windy day! But don't try eating soup with this hair... Not unless you are a fan of Mamma Leone's Homestyle Vegetable Beef Hairball Stew!

Dear Hair,

We've had some good times over the years, but I think it's time for a change. It's not you; It's me. See, I've changed. I need something new - something different. And to get that, you have to go. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it has to be.

P.S. - I'm keeping the big @$$ TV. You'll have to take the little black and white one.

So anyway, she's staring at me like I have some great insight into my hair when it suddenly strikes me...

"I want to look like Prime Minister Pete Nice from the 80's rap group 3rd Bass."

BWAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!!!